Regina and the Eight Inch Snowstorm
by Exquisiteliltart
Summary: Season 1, AU, Christmas story, Swan Queen. Assume no curse, no magic, and Mary Margaret and David live in Zelena's farm house.


"Is Grandpa Gold coming?" Henry asked as he looked among his family members at Christmas Eve dinner.

"No, he went to Belize for the holiday with his new wife, Belle," David informed him casually.

"Isn't Grandpa Gold like a thousand years old?" Henry asked again.

"Give or take a few," Emma chimed in around a bite of dry turkey. Her mom wasn't the best cook in the world, but it was Christmas time and she was trying not to start any fights.

Henry puzzled over this information, as it was difficult for a ten-year-old to grasp different ages. Then he asked abruptly, "Is new Grandma Belle older than you, Mom?"

"No, she's like 25, I'm 28," Emma explained trying not to get into the nitty gritty implications of Grandpa Gold's May-December marriage.

"Henry, eat your potatoes," Mary Margaret nodded at Henry and raised her eyebrow. He gave up and shoveled in another bite of the rather dry and flavorless dinner.

Regina was trying to keep quiet. She wanted to spend Christmas Eve with her son, and it just so happened that his horrible birth mother had reappeared for the holidays after an extended absence. Henry had implored her to spend the holiday with Emma, and Regina was trying. She really was.

It should be noted in her effort to hold her tongue that if upon rare occasion she couldn't hold back a sarcastic barb about Emma and her continuing issues of abandonment, (both in the past, present and undoubtedly in the future…) it shouldn't be held against her. She was, after all, stuck in the house of a woman she hated, eating overcooked meat and trying to get along with her ungrateful blonde offspring. It was a triumph that no blood had been drawn. In Regina's opinion she deserved a shiny mother of the year award.

Regina shot a glare at her 'competition' and Emma glared right back. They held the gaze so long that Mary Margaret made a coughing noise, though she might have just been choking on the dry tasteless gristle she passed off as a turkey dinner. Not enough cranberry sauce in all the world.

"Mom!" Henry shouted dropped his forks on the table. Regina and Emma both turned and looked at their son blinking in unison. "You were doing it again!"

"Doing what?" Regina snapped back, casting her gaze guiltily down at her plate.

Henry rolled his eyes, and kicked out his legs, looking annoyed he really had to explain it again. "The weird thing, that makes us all feel…weird."

"We're not fighting, Kid, don't worry…Regina and I are just…catching up," Emma reassured him, with a false and shining smile. She directed it to Regina, who pursed her lips and took a long swig of wine.

"That's right, we promised…no fighting," Regina relayed in painful agreement.

Emma addressed Henry, but kept her focus on Regina, "If your mom and I were going to fight we'd take it outside and throw down."

"Do you really want to fight, Ms. Swan? That is so childish, and frankly not surprising. Settle a debate, did you turn out the way you did because your mother didn't give you enough hugs or spankings in your formative years?"

"Regina!" Mary Margaret's nostrils flared, and she slammed her palms down on the table making the plates and silverware clank loudly.

"Maybe you can answer why you're constantly thinking about hugging and spanking me?" Emma replied in the same cool and condescending tone.

"It's started to get really bad out there," David interjected, oblivious to the in progress carnival that was surrounding him. He was looking out the window and he gave a low whistle. No one had noticed that he had got up. He held the curtain aside and the rest of them all looked out at the swirling abyss of white snow that was falling wet and heavy outside.

"I think Henry and I should head out before the roads become impassable," Regina pulled her napkin off her lap and threw it on her plate.

"We haven't opened presents, or had dessert!" Henry protested angrily. "I want to stay here with mom, I never get to see her since she's been working out of town. It's not fair!" He pushed himself away from the table and ran out of the room.

"Yeah, Regina why don't you go and let Henry stay," Emma crossed her arms in challenge.

"We're looking at eight inches of snow and no end in sight," David shook his head as he took another lingering look out at the frightful weather.

"Regina can handle an 8" snowstorm; isn't that what you call your overworked vibrator?" Emma raised her chin and curled her lips up in a smirk.

Regina closed her eyes and groaned, "That was one time, are you never going to let me forget it? As I recall, it was you who barged into my study and interrupted my 'me' time without knocking!"

"We were in the middle of a discussion and you barricaded yourself in there without finishing our…discussion. I was worried and I thought I was going to…"

"Save me?" Regina interjected when Emma's voice petered out.

"Yeah, save you from… _that_ ," Emma swallowed thickly, and Regina's cheeks grew red. Mary Margaret was steaming mad and embarrassed clearing plates as quickly as she possibly could. David excused himself to go shovel the walk.

"I'm sure you would love to save me from my vibrator, but that will never ever happen, Ms. Swan," Regina said with an air of finality as she stood up and smoothed down her red and black sparkly blouse and ran her hands over her festive red velvet pants. Emma noticed they were very, very tight. "I'm leaving," Regina turned on her heel and headed towards the front door.

Emma stayed seated at the table and looked out at all the empty chairs. She should have spent Christmas in Texas chasing down another bounty, it would have been less eventful and chaotic then all this borderline inappropriate family bonding.

"Regina, you can't leave!" Mary Margaret's voice filtered down the hall as another battle erupted. Emma took her time clambering out of her chair, annoyed at the drama. They hadn't even had dessert.

By the time she made it down the hall, the door had already opened and shut, leaving behind a cold chill from the furious wind outside.

"She really left," Mary Margaret look dismayed and worried as she stared on at the door.

"Please, her car practically scrapes the ground; there is no way she's getting her Benz even out of the driveway. She'll come right back," Emma nodded, eyes twinkling, as she was very certain that at any moment Regina would come right back inside.

Except, the minutes dragged on with no sign of Regina, and Emma acted like she wasn't nervous or worried. The door opened and a rush of wind blew in down the hallway. Emma held her breath waiting to see who was there, but it was just David: shivering and snow covered.

"It's worse than fighting a hell beast out there!" David exclaimed as he stomped his boots. The snow was almost up to his knees.

"Did you see Regina?" Emma asked frantically, the worry betraying her 'fuck if I care' put on demeanor.

"No, I didn't see her, her car is still out there, as far as I can tell," David stated in confusion. "Why did Regina go outside?"

Mary Margaret fussed over her husband and helped him take off his gloves and coat, "Because Emma won't admit certain things about her feelings."

"Mom! That is so not.. Gawd! Just go read a story to Henry; I'm going out there to find Regina."

"And apologize?"

"Apologize for what?" Emma barked as she put on her coat, boots, hat and gloves. "I didn't do anything wrong. She said she wanted me to leave, even found me a job out of town. Why? So she can complain that I'm not around to take care of Henry?"

"Emma, just go save her," Mary Margaret rolled her head back and closed her eyes, as if the back and forth arguing was giving her a headache.

"Fine," Emma ripped open the door and stepped out into the cold night air to go 'save' Regina.

…

Mary Margaret and David entered the living room and found Henry sitting by the tree looking sadly at the presents stacked up beneath them. "Henry! Let's read a story and hopefully both of your moms will be back before I start to fall asleep."

"Can we read that new Christmas story?" Henry asked, taking on the role of the perfect student he was so accustomed to.

"Certainly, come sit by the fire," Mary Margaret took the book from Henry's hands with a smile and David sat down on the loveseat next to her while Henry sat down next to the fire to listen while Mary Margaret read the story.

" _Jacrispy, the elf, was on the verge of an eggnog breakdown. This assignment was bullshit._

 _For the past 28 years he had been assigned to watch the good boys and girls of Storybrooke and help Santa decide if they were naughty or nice._

 _For 28 years his job was a total cake walk._

 _The kids never grew up or changed, there were very few of them and they were always good and always got a toy horse from Marco's shop or a new pair of snow boots._

 _Simple gifts for simple folks._

 _There had only been one addition to Storybrooke and that was Henry Mills. Jacrispy put in a bit of extra effort to make sure Henry got the gifts he wanted for he knew Henry's mother would strangle his tiny elf neck if he dropped the jingle bell on Henry's Christmas fun._

 _This year was sheer chaos. There were more babies, the kids had grown up and they were acting out. Jacrispy didn't know what XBox and WiiU were, and he didn't know what to do! He had to call Santa on the emergency candy cane line and ask for help with this year's gifts for the kids of Storybrooke….."_

… _._

The weather was getting worse and the snow was thick, wet and dense. The wind was blowing sharp and hard, coupled with the plummeting temperature. Emma started the snowmobile and headed out into the dark to find Regina.

It didn't take long as Emma followed her tracks left in the snow. Regina was trying to walk home like a stubborn idiot in the storm. The farm house that Emma's parents lived in was five miles from town, and there was no way Regina would make it home before hypothermia set in.

The headlights illuminated her backside: her hair and shoulders were covered in snow. Her pea coat and thin scarf was no match for the wind and cold. She was traipsing through the knee high snow with her head down in the face of the driving wind. Emma pulled up next to her and revved the engine.

Regina kept ploughing through the snow, pointedly ignoring her.

"Regina, come on, I get it. Can we be done with this little demonstration of will and go back before you die of exposure?" Emma hit the throttle and trudged the snowmobile forward a few feet to stay next to Regina.

"I'm not getting on that death trap with you," Regina said through chattering teeth.

"Seriously, I'm getting cold, and I know you are too. The snow is practically up to your waist, you'll have icicles hanging off your vagina. Unless, they're just there naturally…."

Regina fumed, her chest heaved and big clouds of cold breath rolled out of her mouth. "Are you calling me frigid, Ms. Swan?"

"Relax; it was just a stupid joke, get on my snowmobile. 500 horsepower between your legs should loosen you up enough to melt those vag-sicles," Emma revved the engine and kept her eyes trained on Regina's. The woman was freezing cold, her lips were turning blue and snow was clinging to her cheeks and around her eyes. She clamped her mouth shut and grudgingly swung her leg over the side of the snowmobile, settling tensely behind Emma.

Emma smirked victoriously, and turned her head to whisper above the wind, "Are you ready for a ride?"

"Take me back," Regina flicked her wrist and looked straight ahead. "No funny business, Ms. Swan."

At that, Emma nodded and threw open the throttle. Regina had no choice but to reach out blindly for Emma's waist, clawing her coat to hold on as her red velvet pants slipped on the vinyl seat of the snowmobile.

She was doing it just to further aggravate Regina, but Emma was finally having fun. They raced over the snow mounds and drifts, the cold wind numbed Emma's face, but the feeling of Regina reluctantly clinging to her because her life depended on it, warmed Emma considerably.

Regina was squealing in fear and exhilaration and the sound of her gasps and screams right up against Emma's ear made pleasant warmth spread through her. They stayed out on the snowmobile working out some of their excess energy and riding until the cold eventually dictated that Emma turn around and head back to the house.

Regina had her cold face buried against Emma's hair and neck while her hands had slid up the hem of Emma's jacket seeking warmth against her bare stomach.

"Your hands are freezing," Emma shivered from the contact, but the intoxicating feeling of Regina lightly stroking her stomach was one her body welcomed, even while Emma tried to consciously tamp down the erotic sensations brought on by the proximity and contact. Regina always had that effect on her when they were forced to be close.

In answer, Regina smoothed her palms over Emma's sides, and tickled her ribs, reaching higher under her coat and shirt, chuckling at Emma's apparent discomfort.

When they finally made it back to the house, Regina pushed off the snowmobile and stalked back inside to warm up, but when Emma turned around she caught a glimpse of Regina's mischievous smile.

Once back inside, the mood quickly soured once more, as both women went about the business of getting the feeling back into their freezing limbs. Regina was sulky and standoffish, lingering alone in the kitchen and doing dishes to avoid the rest of the family.

Emma changed into soft flannel pajamas and joined the rest of her family for carols in the around the tree. Regina still didn't emerge or join in even as they sang through two rounds of 'Silent Night' and a rousing version of 'Deck the Halls.'

The inevitable conclusion that Regina was snowed in and stuck on Christmas Eve was sinking in.

"We should probably figure out sleeping arrangements," Mary Margaret took Emma by the elbow and looked at her with grave concern.

"What do you mean? You and dad have your room, Henry can sleep on the loveseat since he's short…and I have my room upstairs…Oh!…" Emma blinked as realization dawned on her. "Regina is not going to sleep on the floor or the dining room table, is she?"

"We can put a space heater in the garage…" Mary Margaret squeaked, but even she knew that was never going to happen. "You only have a twin sized bed…"

"Me and Regina can't both sleep on my bed," Emma was starting to feel her pulse race and her breath was becoming uneven as she was on the verge of hyperventilation.

"You'll be ass to ankles in that bed…" Mary Margaret agreed solemnly. "With you two not getting along I don't think it's going to be smooth sailing."

"A long night," Emma licked her lips, her eyes widened as she thought about the prospect of cuddling up with Regina and her cold, stomach molesting hands. At least she practiced good personal hygiene and always smelled so lovely. That would be nice…

"I think you should go in the kitchen and give her the options," Mary Margaret was shaking lightly at the prospect and therefore nominated Emma for the difficult job.

"What? Me…I have to go ask Regina to sleep with me?" Emma's cheeks flushed and she paced back and forth, worrying her hands into fists.

"I'd approach it a bit differently than making a proposition…" Mary Margaret advised, tilting her head to the side to see around the doorway, as Regina seemed to be forcefully shoving dishes in the dishwasher.

Emma tentatively tiptoed into the kitchen, making sure to keep a buffer between herself and Regina or any flying china and pointy silver that may be thrown towards her face.

"So how are you?" Emma started carefully.

There was no response, just more angry silverware and dish clanking.

"Um, I was thinking, since we're all pretty much snowed in and Mom turned the guest room into a bird rescue, you can sleep in my bed…"

"And where will you sleep?" Regina turned around and crossed her ankles, as she leaned against the kitchen counter.

"In my bed," Emma added.

Regina scoffed. "You expect me to sleep with you…in your bed?"

"Well, it's either that or under the Christmas tree, which I don't recommend because Bertha bird is nesting there and she's been shitting all over the presents."

Regina rubbed her temples, she was still shivering, as the snow on her pants had melted and they were clearly wet. She was clearly cold and wet.

"Do you want some flannel jammys?" Emma offered like a precarious peace branch.

Regina huffed and then nodded; sniffing to show that she was opposed to the principle, but was in no position to refuse dry clothing even if it looked like it was straight outta the Ellen DeGeneres collection at JC Penney.

As she followed Emma back through the house, Henry ran down the stairs, holding one of Mary Margaret's rescue birds: Snugglepuss.

Snugglepuss was nothing like little grey Bertha, Snugglepuss was an exotic bird who had been trained by his previous owners to parrot out cheesy pickup lines. When the bird saw Regina it whistled and chirped, "Girl, you must have eaten a big bowl of Lucky Charms cause you look magically delicious!"

Henry started laughing; Regina glared frozen under the doorway, while Snugglepuss flapped his green and blue wings happily.

"Moms! You have to kiss right now!" Henry exclaimed excitedly. "Smooch, smooch, smooch!"

"Oh fuck, Mistletoe," Emma deadpanned in horror. She and Regina looked up simultaneously and then back down at each other.

"Not happening!" Regina stormed past Emma and Henry up the stairs. Emma shrugged, and Henry and Snugglepuss gave her a look like it was going to happen and happen soon. In Henry's opinion Regina and Emma went to together like pizza rolls and applesauce. A combination that didn't sound tasty at all, but somehow worked well together.

A few minutes later, Regina was changed into soft Ellen flannel that matched Emma's and standing awkwardly at the bedside measuring the width of the twin bed against the size of her and Emma's asses.

"Well, I'm exhausted," Emma entered her into the room and came up behind Regina, who was staring at the bed like it was covered in hot coals. Emma brushed past her and crawled onto the squeaky bed, getting comfy under the covers. She took up most of it, and Regina squinted her eyes in hate.

"I can't believe I have to sleep here, under this roof with the likes of you," she mumbled and breathed out a long painful sounding sigh.

Emma sat up, she made a show of fidgeting under her pajama top and removing her bra. She pulled back the bra strap with her finger and flung it at Regina's head like a slingshot.

"Usually, I sleep naked, but I'll remain clothed, except for that," Emma taunted her and patted the bed with one hand, beckoning Regina toward her with the other.

"I hate you," Regina stated plaintively, while shimmying in and working her way under the covers. They both didn't have room to sleep on their backs side by side, so Emma rolled onto her hip.

"I hate you too," she answered accordingly. "Spoon me?"

Regina grumbled inaudibly and turned over, facing away from her bed mate. "Fine, but only because I need my rest after this exhausting and horrible day. Keep your elbows away from my spleen."

Emma cozied up and draped her arm over Regina's waist. For a moment, Regina tensed, but shortly after relaxed and allowed Emma to cuddle her.

…

Outside the room, the rest of the family was also settling in. David and Mary Margaret paused outside Emma's bedroom door and listened for any signs of distress. "If Regina is smothering her with a pillow, that could be the reason it's so quiet in there," David wondered, scratching his head.

"Let's just take the silence as a good sign that they aren't fighting," Mary Margaret crossed her fingers and looked wearily at the closed door.

….

Regina couldn't seem to settle down, mainly due to Emma's lumpy bed, but partly because she wasn't used to sharing her sleeping space with anyone else, especially no one as hot and soft as Emma.

"I can't sleep," she muttered and Emma raised her head.

"Do you need a bedtime story and a lullaby?" She asked sarcastically.

"Maybe we should change positions. I should be the big spoon," Regina said insistently.

The wind was still howling outside and the windows shook from the force of the storm. Inside, however, the bed was getting very warm and snug.

Emma nodded in agreement and turned over as Regina followed suit. She pushed her hips and chest against Emma's back and wrapped her hands around her, sneaking them under her pajama top.

"Your hands are still cold," Emma's voice came out a bit breathless as Regina resumed the soft stroking of her belly.

Regina simply hummed in response and kept working her fingers up and down Emma's stomach, tracing the dip of her belly button and each hip bone, tracing all the way up to the undersides of her breasts and back down. She was mapping out her body as she made a subtle exploration.

"I don't think this position is going to work either," Regina said after a moment of silence.

"Why?" Emma had her eyes closed and she was enjoying the touch far more than she should.

"I'm not entirely comfortable yet."

"Do you want to take off your bra too?" Emma was starting to squirm as she felt her nipples harden from arousal and numbing heat radiate from her core.

"Maybe…or maybe you could sleep…on top of me," Regina whispered into Emma's ear, her voice low and sultry.

"I mean, we could try that…for your comfort," Emma nodded as Regina turned over on her back in the middle of the bed, keeping her hands pressed against gently against Emma's belly.

Swiftly, Emma pressed a knee into the mattress and flung her leg over Regina's hips, effectively straddling her. Regina greedily grabbed hold of her flannel and pulled her down on top so their bodies were flush and Emma's face hovered just over Regina's.

"How's this feel?" Emma asked cautiously, as her hair fell like a curtain around her head. She watched Regina's lips intently, staring at her mouth with hunger. It felt like ages since she'd been so close to the other woman.

"Better," Regina exhaled dreamily, raising her hips up to meet Emma's in a provocative way. "Maybe a little more pressure would help me get entirely comfortable."

Emma rolled her own hips against Regina's, as she relaxed her neck and let her face press against Regina's neck.

"That's good," Regina agreed as Emma pressed her lips against Regina's neck to muffle the moan of pleasure that tumbled out of her mouth.

"A little more?" Emma turned her head and whispered, letting her lips brush against Regina's jaw, and then drift down to the column of her throat.

"Yes," Regina hissed as Emma rolled her hips again eliciting another soft moan. Regina pressed her hand to the back of Emma's head in encouragement, and threw back her own to give more access to her neck.

"I think I could make you more…comfortable if you spread your legs just a little bit," Emma's cheeks were flushed, her voice sounded strange as a rush of blood made her lightheaded. Regina silently complied, spreading her legs and letting Emma continue to work on making them both incredibly comfortable.

"Can I try something?" Emma asked as Regina writhed beneath her, hands wandering freely up Emma's back and over her arms, pinning her close.

"Yes," Regina squeezed her glassy eyes shut as Emma kissed her like she was performing a Christmas miracle. She slipped her hands beneath the elastic band of Regina's pants and into the wet heat her fingers eagerly sought out. She kept grinding against her, pulsing against Regina's clit and rubbing her firmly.

It didn't take much of that before Regina orgasmed, and Emma was right behind her like Santa flying through the night on his sleigh pulled by eight reindeer. Christmas certainly brought tidings of comfort and joy. Comfort and joy to Regina and Emma.

They didn't actually sleep most of the night, and neither did Mary Margaret and David, as they both sat up in bed and listened to the squeaky springs of Emma's mattress. They exchanged a look of horror and covered their faces with their pillows. "At least they're getting along," David said with a yawn, while Mary Margaret ground her teeth and squeezed her eyes shut willing the visions that came unbidden to her mind to stop.

….

The next morning everyone filtered downstairs when Henry started yelling for them to get up. He jingled some bells and birds started to squawk and chirp from their room. "Moms! I think Santa came last night!"

Emma and Regina woke up naked and wrapped up tighter in each other than a gift wrapped package. They stretched out and kissed lazily, slowly picking up their pajamas and dressing.

When they reached the bottom of the stairs, Regina pinned Emma against the wall, looked up and said "Mistletoe," before kissing her soundly, until both their knees were on the verge of buckling.

Henry interrupted them, his eyes wide as he exclaimed, "Whoa! I knew that was going to happen. Snugglepuss and I bet on it! Snugglepuss, you owe me sunflower seeds!"

As they filtered into the living room after making coffee and gathered around the tree, Mary Margaret found she couldn't look her daughter or Regina in the eye. Regina was in shockingly better mood, and the holiday was much more pleasant for everyone.

"So last night, the roof started shaking and then I heard a noise like Santa stomping on the roof…I don't think he could find the chimney because it went on for a really long time. I think I heard the reindeer too!" Henry explained as if he was imparting a wondrous secret.

Emma turned to Regina and whispered, "He still believes in Santa Claus?"

"Yes, and we will ensure that he continues to believe in Santa until he's 35 at least," Regina whispered back.

….

 **January 4** **th**

Henry headed back to school after the holiday break. He was eager to show off his new toys from Santa to his friends.

Nicholas was telling a group of kids that Santa wasn't real. He'd snuck downstairs and watched his father put the gifts from Santa under the tree. "Santa is just your moms, Henry."

Henry piped up in disagreement, "I know Santa is real. I heard him on the roof. He was looking for a way into the chimney."

The kids laughed at him, and more and more of his friends started to convince him that Santa wasn't a real magical being, neither was Jacrispy the Storybrooke elf.

Then Henry got to thinking. He knew what he had heard, but if it wasn't Santa, what was making all that noise above him? He suddenly grew pale as he realized that Santa was actually his moms making noise and trying to find a way down each other's chimney.

Christmas would never be the same. Repeat the sounding joy!


End file.
